If we haven’t hung that picture within the first 6 months, there is absolutely no reason to try and put it up!
So we have moved 3 times in the past 3 years and our 4th move is approaching fast! That’s a lot right?! Is it a good thing a bad thing? We don’t know. We don’t know if it will have a lasting negative impact on the children or not. I am not from a military family and neither is my husband, so we have never had to experience this kind of change. We are just trying to do our best and make the right decisions for our family at that particular moment in time.
We asked the children this time whether we should move as a family or choose to just see him at weekends. The result was split! One wanted to go and the other wanted to stay and they were both adamant that their choice was the right one. Both had equal valid reasons for wanting to go or stay and at times I was crying inside, but composed on the outside. Ultimately one was disappointed, which was and still is heart-breaking.
So when the words, ‘we need to start thinking about moving days’ are uttered, what are the feelings that rush through your body? For me I insistently feel a resistance to answer the question, because I do not want to accept the reality of another imminent move. I put off answering the question for as long as possible. Honestly, I believe it normally takes about 5-6 months to really get used to a new location, find friends, create a social life and become settled into ‘community life’. So when the realisation hits and you look at the calendar and you can count on one hand the amount of months left, the dread I feel at having to start from scratch again consumes me.
So you start to make ‘a to-do list’, you look at the boxes that still haven’t been unpacked since the last move (or the one before that) and panic starts to set in. I start to panic thinking about the places I still haven’t been to, which we said we would explore but haven’t. I look at the diary and realise that there aren’t many weekends left which are free to go and visit. I panic about the people I said we would catch-up with but haven’t.
The to-do list includes things to cancel, post to re-direct, companies you’re going to spend hours on the phone with, changing the address on your driving licence, finding doctors, children’s clubs, school places, the list is endless ….. So it comes as no surprise that I do not jump for joy when the posting notice finally arrives!
It’s a really silly thing, but someone asked me at a dinner I attended recently where I’m from originally. I have quite a strong London accent, I try to put on my ‘posh’ voice, but after a drink or two my accent becomes stronger. I don’t burst into full cockney slang or anything like that, but it is really clear as to where I’m from. And it got me thinking. When someone asks our children in the future where they are from, what will they tell them? They don’t remember the place they were born or the home they were raised in. My daughter’s accent is a mixture of northern, London with a Canadian twang at the moment! Am I the only one worrying about this sense of belonging?
The next chapter will begin shortly, and we are looking forward to being closer to family and old friends. Nothing beats a good Sunday roast cooked by family!
So moving house isn’t just as simple as the physical moving of ‘stuff’, it’s the emotional turmoil that comes with it.
What have you done today? Another coffee morning? Are the first words my husband says as he comes in from work. My response is always the same….. ‘of course, it’s what I do’ And these days it is what I tend to do on a weekly (daily) basis, however at the same time I am also meeting some pretty awesome women.
I decided that I would take this year to meet new people, explore new opportunities and help others. Why? Because basically I was feeling lost, maybe I’m going through a mid-life crisis at 39? I don’t know, but when friends and family kept asking me what I was going to do now that both kids were in school, I didn’t know what to say.
Major life events have passed, buying our first home, getting married, having a good job, getting pregnant, moving house (many times) and the only big event on the horizon seemed to be hitting the big 40! I started to feel quite down and I didn’t want to feel like this. I want to have many more achievements ahead of me.
So I started to contemplate what I wanted to do. I remember reading a book called ‘Year of Yes’, by Shonda Rhimes and it instantly struck a chord with me. I must start saying yes to new opportunities, rather than trying to come up with a list of reasons why I shouldn’t. The first yes came when I saw a Facebook post from a person I didn’t know. It was an advert calling for film extras whom had a connection to the military community to appear in a period drama. Interesting! I loved Downtown Abbey! I could be in something like that, how amazing would that be?!
But I procrastinated so much that the deadline came and went, and I kicked myself. So I decided to register with the agency. I registered and the following week I was sent an availability requested. I read the brief and I sent my response……’available’. I was chosen and a slight panic settled in.
WTF was I doing?! All sorts started running through my head and my heart started beating 10 to the dozen.
The day came and it was so bloody exciting I was beaming from ear to ear when I got home that day. When I arrived it was just like a scene from Ricky Gervais’ Extras TV programme. I was taken to a double decker bus, where they served a hot breakfast and you got to meet other extras. We sat and chatted for some time but for the majority of the time I just listened to their stories. I was amongst ‘pros!’
When it was my call time, I was so nervous. I could feel my heart beating through my chest and the blood pumping round my body.
My time came …… in my scene, I walked in, interacted with the main actor and walked out! Done! I drove home thinking that that wasn’t so bad, and started looking forward to the next opportunity.
This was just the beginning. I had been given a big confidence boost and so I decided to run with it. You could say that this is when I started to see the road ahead of me and that things were going to be OK. I wasn’t going to feel lost forever, I just needed to feel confident in myself again.